Dear Exhausted Healthcare Workers,

I’ve been working nights and weekends throughout this pandemic as an emergency department social worker, and I want to take a moment to acknowledge my colleagues. I see you getting weary as the months drag on. You fought for the PPE, you managed your anxiety to show up and do your job. You changed your daily lives to protect your partner, your children and your extended family. You worry if those changes are enough, and stick to a routine that minimizes your risk, fear, and guilt. For some households, you alone are the vector for your family, and you watch with jealousy as some who get to work from home get to enjoy time with grandparents or work from a vacation destination. At the same time, you are grateful for every moment that you are not the patient yourself, that you have a job when so many do not. The healthcare hero signs slightly sting as you walk in through the hospital doors, thinking to yourself the best way to feel valued would be to live in a world where people believe in science and public health. You struggle with being labeled “essential” when you have seen colleagues be furloughed, laid off, and have to manage the unemployment system.

You cling to the times that you make a difference at work: when you are able to find a diagnosis for a new patient, give a hopeful treatment plan, or relieve someone’s suffering. I find myself in the middle of many very disturbing child abuse cases in the emergency room and remember my purpose is to help others who cannot help themselves find safety. You feel increased camaraderie with your colleagues, who share many of the same unspoken feelings, and who smile with their eyes through masks and goggles and shields to let you know they are in this with you. You wait everyday for the other shoe to drop, for a symptom to creep up or for a colleague to call out. You learn to live in moments because the swings between desperation and hope are too exhausting.

Pre-pandemic, so many healthcare workers were already dealing with compassion fatigue, secondary traumatization, and work-place related mental health concerns. Make no mistake the arrival of COVID-19 and the burden it has placed on everyone in healthcare has greatly exacerbated these conditions. Many times in a crisis situation, we go into survival mode, resorting to numbing out emotions in order to get through the day to day. Your brain does this to protect you and give you the strength you need to continue in extraordinary circumstances. The system isn’t perfect though, and you may find yourself captive to strong emotions when you least expect it. You may find things seep out unconsciously, in behaviors that pop up when they are not welcome or intended.

Now is the time to find a safe space for you, where you can be vulnerable and begin to process. Where you don’t have to censor yourself to keep a job, to protect a loved one, to feel ashamed for feeling what you do. When you may be feeling a sense of isolation, please hear that you are not alone. There are several virtual support groups for healthcare workers right now including: https://vnhs.org/news-post/now-offering-virtual-support-groups/,http://samaritanatlanta.org/new-support-groups/?preview=true.There are also therapists who speak your language, and will understand what you are going through. As a hospital social worker and a therapist, I am available to hear your experience and hold space for whatever it is you are feeling, without judgment or shame. When you are risking so much to care for others, I encourage you to also risk investing in your own mental health and well being as well.