Dear Exhausted Parents,

I see you. I see you carrying the weight of all the world’s issues on your shoulders.

You are grieving. Everyone you know is grieving.

We are all suffering from loss right now in different ways. Some are mourning the loss of their daily work/school/life routines. Some are missing loved ones in quarantine. Some have had to deal with illness or death in their very own households. Many are out of work and suffering from economic hardship. Racial injustice continues at a time when equality is needed more than ever. Access to healthcare is challenging and unaffordable. Loved ones with special needs may have difficulty accessing services. Celebrations and traditions have been placed on hold or modified. This is an unprecedented time of individual and communal loss.

We are not all in the same place.

Everyone copes with loss differently. There are many cycles of emotions that occur in the grieving process. You may be experiencing denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance at the same time, or different times, as your partner, children, relatives or boss. There are days we wake up, ignore the news, and think “I got this!”, while our partner can’t get out of bed, scrolling the same news headlines they have been reading for weeks. You may feel like you are coping well, and then move again to a feeling of despair. You may feel a different way every week, day, or hour.

Notice where you are.

Don’t find - but build in - a moment where you can observe how you are feeling, in your head, heart and physical body. Resist the urge to judge how you are feeling or what it means. Simply notice it. This can happen in a minute when you are stirring mac n cheese for the kids, or locked behind a bathroom door. Building self-awareness will help you learn how to take care of yourself.

Honor yourself.

Our support systems are stretched thin, as is our patience. Now more than ever parents are losing the battle for work/life balance. And losing their sense of wellbeing in the process. If you haven’t found a way to honor yourself and where you are in the grieving process yet, now is the time. You’ve heard all the advice about taking an extra-long bath, phoning a friend regularly, or renewing an exercise or hobby that brings you peace. For many the issue is not what you would like to spend your self care time on, but when does that happen when you are always working or caring for someone else. You are absolutely worth self care, even if it is at the expense of the perfect dinner or picking the toys up off the carpet. The most precious gift you can give yourself is the gift of your own time. You may also want to make the space to see a counselor or therapist. Prioritizing your mental health not only increases your emotional well being, but can help you feel physically better as well.

Allow for joy as it comes.

Impatience, frustration and despair are bound to happen. And just when you thought you couldn’t tolerate cleaning the same countertop for the 83rd time that day while on mute for another meeting, your two year old blurts out a totally nonsensical knock knock joke. Your partner sneaks you an unsolicited kiss. You notice a card from an old friend tucked away in the mail. Joy is always with us. When you recognize it, allow yourself a moment to feel it. Even if nothing else is going right. Without guilt tripping yourself that you had a moment of fun.

2020... A year to wish away, or a legacy of your strength?

The majority of us don’t have jobs where we can influence change over government decisions or change the course of a pandemic. Spend the precious little energy you have on things you can control. What are the things you want to remember from this time? What do you want your children to remember? Can we be patient and understanding with ourselves? To what extent will our friends, family and community also benefit when we are able to stay present in the moment?

Parents, I see you, and I wish you all moments of peace and joy. I’m here for you if now is the time to address your mental health needs.

Warmly,

Stephanie Borer, LCSW

Stephanie is EACS’s newest therapist. She specializes in working with caregivers as well as those experiencing the effects of trauma, grief, depression, and chronic illness.

To learn more about Stephanie and schedule a session:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/stephanie-borer-decatur-ga/229311 

eastatlantacounseling.com/about

Some ways you may be able to fill a need:

Meals: https://publish.gwinnett.k12.ga.us/gcps/home/public/news/all-news/featured/gwinnett-government-takes-over-summer-feeding-program (check your local county school system for more info)

Financial Resources: http://211online.unitedwayatlanta.org/Content.aspx?about

Covid Testing: https://www.gnrhealth.com/covid-19-info/ (check your county dept. of public health for more info)

Mental Health/Crisis Assistance: https://www.georgiacollaborative.com/providers/georgia-crisis-and-access-line-gcal/

Therapy financial assistance for Black women and girls: https://thelovelandfoundation.org/loveland-therapy-fund/

Become an ally: https://guidetoallyship.com/

Support for families who have special health care needs: https://www.p2pga.org/

Mindfulness: I like using an app (some are free, others paid subscription) like Headspace or Calm. There are also plenty of free mindfulness resources online like www.mindful.org and www.childmind.org

Dear Exhausted Parents... An Open Letter of Validation